As I mentioned in my last post I recently thought I had figured out enlightenment again. Thought that I was so darn close to taking that step into figuring out everything and how to acheive all my goals and desires. I have been there countless times without every 'figuring it out' but it doesn't seem to change the fact that I keep getting drawn back there. And that's my karma. The karma of a seeker. Some ego comes with that too. A seeker sometimes thinks they are better then those who realize their inability to save themselves. As I said...karma.
It gets tiring trying to save yourself spiritually. Over the recent holidays I felt like I always had to do something to keep my path towards enlightenment going. I got sick of it and in my desperation muttered the Nembutsu and remembered Amida's wonderful vow to save us unenlightened fools.
When I was a Christian I felt the same. Always having to pray or read the Bible to feel 'connected'. I was a Calvinist too meaning I shouldn't have to do anything but there was still 'expectations' of what a Christian should do. Amida says 'don' worry'. Say the Nembutsu and rely on me,
Ok. I will do that.
Namo Amida Butsu
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