Seeking can be fun. I am a seeker and have been for many years. I enjoyed all the different paths and beliefs systems I explored. Although I wasn't sure what I was always looking for, deep down I was looking for enlightenment. Trying to seek my way to 'gnosis' so I could have it all figured out. As I mentioned in past posts, it never worked. There were times I was close to the goal, but it was always just out of reach.
I am still a seeker today, but that's not really overly positive, but it's my karma. Luckily the Nembutsu is there to keep me from jumping into many more pursuits that always end the same way. It may sound like I am 'closing off'' some aspect of my life and my mind by trying to limit my seeking, but I see it more as getting of the merry-go-round to nowhere. That's why I am thankful for the Nembutsu. Always keeping me at peace and knowing it's ok to give up the fight to try and be enlightened. It's just not possible in this life and this age.
Most of my struggles have been caused by endless seeking. It's my karma, but by the vow of Amida and with Nembutsu as my tool I am able to somewhat counter that karma and rest in Amida's promised Pureland.
Namo Amida Bu
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